“You take a vow under the Lord’s eye, you expect to honor that vow. And I didn’t. It kind of haunts me now that I didn’t.”

Lamar Odom is clearly still hung up on Khloe Kardashian, and may even be talking about her in his sleep? Lamenting how he’d screwed up their marriage was one of the first real conversations this season on “Celebrity Big Brother.”

You could hear the pain in his voice as he opened up about his hopes that Khloe would actually be in the house competing this season. “Something ain’t gonna feel complete if I don’t get another shot,” he told Todrick Hall.

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As more people joined the conversation, Lamar revealed that he still thinks Khloe was “the one,” and would do almost anything just for a chance to take her out to eat and apologize.

“You take a vow under the Lord’s eye, you expect to honor that vow,” he said in a confessional. “And I didn’t. It kind of haunts me now that I didn’t.”

He apologized for letting her whole family down after they’d welcomed him in so warmly. “I would do anything to make it up,” he said, sharing with the house that he was even hoping to start a family with the reality star.

Later, in a lighter clip during the overnight hours, Lamar wakes up, briefly, and then starts talking in his sleep, saying, “There we go, baby.” Of course, we’ve no idea what he’s talking about, but it’s at least possible that it’s Khloe, right? Well, we know where his mind is, and from what we’ve seen so far, it’s definitely not on the game.

Each episode, we’ll break down the night’s action, the competitions, the alliances, the backstabbing and the lies. Then we’ll grade each contestant to see how they’re doing in the game so far and how far we think they’re going to go.

Aligning Alliances

Yes, this is a hyper-accelerated version of “Big Brother,” but it feels like these celebrities might have gotten a little over-excited. If they weren’t getting into all the alliances they could find floating around them, they were talking way too openly and cavalier about them.

At this point, we can’t tell who really knows this game and who has no idea. At times, Carson Kressley seems to get the strategy, but at another point he’s trying to talk to Todrick in front of everyone and saying nonsensical things about them nominating one another, as if he has no clue how the game works at all.

Meanwhile, when Mirai Nagasu decides to invite Cynthia Bailey into her new alliance she’d created with Teddi Mellencamp and Todrick, Cynthia quickly blurted out the other members of the Girls & Gays alliance, suddenly expanding its ranks to include Mirai and Teddi. This new super-alliance is Formation.

Right at the top of the hour, we saw Todrick working double time to accept every alliance that came his way, including Carson’s Girls & Gays, Mira’s Formation (which Carson also named), and a new athlete’s alliance Miesha Tate formed with him and Lamar, with a final 2 deal between Todrick and Miesha.

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That leaves him aligned with pretty much everyone on Day 2, which is an insanely risky move to make. But then, as with Cynthia, Miesha proved willing to just randomly expand the ranks of alliances on her own.

Needing to bounce ideas off of someone and because he was there, suddenly Chris Kirkpatrick found himself a part of her athletes’ alliance — that makes sense, right? She then tried expanding the ranks even more by adding Mirai without really getting any sense of Mirai’s loyalties.

Everyone is just throwing the doors wide open, which backfired a bit on Miesha and then Mirai almost immediately. As we suspected from how she dissed her at the end of the HOH competition, Miesha is actually gunning for Teddi. But when she told Mirai her backdoor plan, Mirai ran to Teddi.

Teddi then ran to Todrick and Todrick then ran to Miesha. See, when everyone is aligned with everyone, it leads to chaos on top of chaos. Suddenly, Mirai went from being a possible pawn target to being maybe Miesha’s real target for the week.

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You Can’t Have Two Pawns

That’s not actually true, you can have two pawns. But it’s an incredibly risky thing to do because you are then needing someone to win Power of Veto and vacate one of those seats. That’s why we’re a little worried for Mirai right now.

Miesha first asked her if she’d consider going up as a pawn, but that was before word got back to Miesha that Mirai had told Teddi about her backdoor plan. So later, we saw Miesha proposing to Carson that maybe he could be the pawn this week.

That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, though, as she clearly doesn’t see him as a likely comp beast. Anything is possible, of course, but so far the younger and more physically athletic Houseguests have had stronger showings in the whole one competition we’ve seen so far.

So if she’s not thinking Carson will be able to pull himself from the Block, is that her way of saying she’s targeting either Mirai or Teddi, not caring which goes? If Mirai can save herself, then the Teddi backdoor is good to go, but if not, she’s happy to have Mirai go as she doesn’t believe anyone would vote Carson out right now (which is probably true).

Of course, all of this could yet get turned on its purse-hat-adorned head.

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Purse Hat Bag Gift Blessing Curse

In an attempt to maybe expose alliances and reveal something about how these people are playing, the rules of the Gala Gift from the HOH competition were that this hideous Mon-Won purse-hat had to be gifted one by one to everyone in the house, starting with HOH Miesha.

But only the last person holding it would actually receive its blessing, which is safety from the vote this week. In an attempt to keep her target from getting it last, but not wanting to expose that she was gunning for her, Miesha gave it first to ally Chris Ki.

But Chris Ki did not pick up on that hint at all, handing it off to Chris Ka. From there, it just shifted around with absolutely no one really seeming to think any of it through until we got to Todrick, who gave it to ally Mirai in order to try and build some more trust with Shanna Moakler.

In the end, though, Cynthia was the last person standing, and so she gets to wear the hat at least through Friday night’s first eviction. What we were also teased was that while it’s a blessing for her, it will be a curse for someone else. Without any details, it was explained that someone not nominated could still be the one evicted.

While this could be absolutely anything, we find ourselves thinking that maybe Cynthia will get the opportunity to name a third nominee. That would make the purse-hat a bit of a curse for her as it would pretty clearly expose something about her gameplay, such as it is.

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Houseguest Report Cards

Todrick Hall (36) is playing the hardest, which is extremely risky, but it also appears to be working for him so far. He’s a physical threat in competitions, a social threat and he’s aligned with everyone in the house who’s actually playing this game, and a few that haven’t started yet. He seems to have access to all the information flowing through the house, which is impressive. It’s a dangerous game of spinning plates, but if he can do it for the rest of the month, he might emerge victorious. Grade: A

Carson Kressley (52) may or may not be far savvier than any of us are giving him credit for. He’s definitely smarter than a lot of people in the house think he is, and he’s extremely socially aware. He’s also the funniest and most engaging person in the house, with everyone falling immediately in love with him. That social game mastery could carry him very, very far, and it can also work as a great cover to clever strategic gameplay. Yes, we see that he’s currently on the Block, but we don’t see him going home over anyone in the House right, and especially against Mirai or Teddi, should Miesha stick to her backdoor plan. Grade: A-

Chris Kirkpatrick (50) is playing very quietly, and underplaying his knowledge of the game so well he called the HOH the “H.O.A.” So either he’s lying about understanding the game, or he is masterfully hiding it, which is a great strategy. Right now, he’s fun and lovable and he just looks and feels like someone safe to talk to, as Miesha did this week. When you’re not in power, it’s great to be flying a little under the radar, but still get noticed and drawn into important conversations. He’s navigating that perfectly so far. Grade: B+

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Shanna Moakler (46) is also a student of this game, and strategy in general, but she’s playing an even more subtle game, almost disappearing into the furniture at times. Todrick is trying to build trust with her, which isn’t a bad ally to have at this stage of the game, and her own understanding of the game should help her navigate these early days under the radar. But she needs to be ready to step up and make moves sooner than later in this accelerated season. Grade: B

Miesha Tate (35) is playing an extremely aggressive game, and she’s a little reckless with her alliances. First HOH’s can sometimes get away with that, but this season is going to move so fast and she’s seen as such a huge threat in competitions, we could see it backfiring on her. Her athletes’ alliance (plus Chris Ki) is a good start to setting up protections for her moving forward, but she’ll need them to win as that target on her back is going to be huge. Grade: B-

Cynthia Bailey (54) is sitting pretty in a powerful alliance with Girls & Gays (and the extended Formation), though we’re not sure how strong any of the alliances are right now. She’s safe this week, which is great, but she may also wind up exposing a bit of her own gameplay with the curse aspect of her blessing. We’ve not really seen any strategy or gameplay from her at all, yet, so right now she appears to be floating through. That’s fine, but not for long as a lot of these celebs have come out the gate playing hard! Grade: C+

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Lamar Odom (42), Todd Bridges (56), and Chris Kattan (51) don’t even appear to be playing this game. They’re just in the house to hang out and have a good time. Lamar was put into the athletes’ alliance, giving him the slightest edge above Todd and Chris Ka. The latter two are already being talked about as easy eliminations. That means they’ll float around here in the middle until someone decides to take an easy shot. There’s still time for them to step up and actually compete, but we’re not really seeing any inclinations to do so from any of them. Grade: C-

Mirai Nagasu (28) put herself in a precarious position by aligning herself with Teddi and revealing Miesha’s backdoor plan. With Miesha in power and her on the Block, she’s in real danger. If it stays her and Carson, she’s done for. But if Miesha is still considering a Teddi backdoor plan, Mirai may have a shot — even if she stays on the Block. If she does manage to stay, she’ll need to focus on tightening her circle of trust and maybe getting some power herself to shuffle the current power structure. Grade: D+

Teddi Mellencamp (40) is the target of Miesha right now, though she might also decide to get Mirai out of the game. The problem is that both women are in the powerful Formation alliance. If Carson really is the pawn and Miesha gets Teddi on the Block next to Mirai, then that alliance will have no choice but to take out one of their own. It might well be up to the Girls & Gays to decide, as both Teddi and Mirai were new additions tonight. Our instinct, though, is that Teddi would be the bigger target. Her best bet would be to stay off the Block this week, but it may not be up to her. If she does, Mirai is probably done for. Grade: D

House Chatter

• “How well do you know this show?” –Todrick (pretending he doesn’t to Chris Ki)
• “The only reason I’m not in an alliance with Chris Kattan and Todd is ‘cause they been sleep the whole time we’ve been here.” –Todrick (running down all his alliances)
• “I’m sleeping and I hear what sounds like a dying whale. It sounds like someone is shoving their arm down the throat of a person and slowly pulling the insides out.” –Chris Ka (about Todd’s snoring)
• “I was drunk as hell when I got this one.” –Todd (showing off his ‘futuristic cop’ superhero tattoo)
• “So you were like, give me a superhero with a mini-head.” –Teddi
• “I was hoping my ex-wife was in here.” –Lamar (to Todrick)
• “Khloe?” –Todrick
• “I wanna see her so bad, bro. Something ain’t gonna feel complete if I don’t get another shot.” –Lamar
• “Do you even think that’s a possibility since she married again?” –Todrick
• “You take a vow under the Lord’s eye, you expect to honor that vow. And I didn’t. It kind of haunts me now that I didn’t. Sometimes when I get the opportunity to talk about it, it’s therapeutic. I do miss her and her family dearly. Even just to her family, I’m sorry I let them down. They had so much faith in me and gave me my own nickname, Lammy. I would do anything to make it up.” –Lamar
• “What the hell made me think I was gonna get away with that?” –Lamar (about cheating on Khloe)
• “Did you think she was the one?” –Cynthia
• “I think so.” –Lamar
• “I was really looking forward to having children with her.” –Lamar
• “I just wanna take her out to eat and say sorry.” –Lamar
• “Let’s switch gears from Formation to the athletes alliance, which I’m not sure why Chris Kirkpatrick is in but it’s okay, I’mma roll with you, Meisha, alright.” –Todrick
• “I feel like we’re safe. So, you and me should, like, nominate each other.” –Carson (that’s not how this game works)
• “Carson, you think you being inconspicuous? Stop talking game to me in front of everybody in the game.” –Todrick
• “He doesn’t know anyone’s names, guys. This is not–” –Teddi (as Lamar stalls before passing purse-hat)
• “If the H.O.A. gives you the bag first–” –Chris Ki (picked first, playing off his BB super-fandom)
• “Am I high on the road or low on the road?” –Teddi
• “I have no idea, to be honest.” –Miesha
• “Two times, shut me down.” –Teddi (getting a sense she’s being targeted)
• “There we go, baby.” –Lamar (talking in his sleep)
• “Mirai, you are a fierce competitor and I respect your ability to play this game.” –Miesha (after nominating her)
• “It’s the same, right?” –Carson (about his own nomination)

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