“If I had one wish it would be to hold you.”

Alyssa Scott shared an emotional post about her late son, Zen, in honor of Valentine’s Day.

The model took to Instagram on Sunday to pay tribute to Zen ahead of the holiday as she continues to grieve the death of her infant. Scott — who shared Zen with Nick Cannon — also revealed the last words she said to her son before he passed away from brain cancer on December 5.

In her post, Scott posted two photos and a video that featured Zen with red lipstick kiss marks on his face.

“I can imagine us the night before Valentine’s Day filling out cards to hand to your classmates,” she began in the caption. “All signed with your handwriting.. I know it would say: love, Zen. Every letter written with your tiny little hand.”

“I often think about your voice. The sound of you saying ‘I love you mom,'” she added.
“Words I will never hear, But still feel to this day. I know you love me, Zen.”

Scott said that she sees the baby boy “everywhere.” She wrote, “I see you in everything beautiful. When I hear a baby giggle, when I see children playing. You are there.”

“If I had one wish it would be to hold you,” she added. “I know everything around me would stand still. It would be just you and me.”

“My last words to you were ‘I’m here, I love you,'” Scott concluded. “That will ring true until the end of time.. I’m here and I love you baby. Im just missing you extra today. My son. You are all of my dreams realized.”

During the December 7 episode of his talk show, “Nick Cannon,” Cannon revealed that Zen had died from a brain tumor. Zen was only five months old.

One day later, Scott opened up about Zen’s death in a touching post and shared a montage of videos of the child both in and out of the hospital.

“Oh my sweet Zen. The soreness I felt in my arm from holding you is slowly fading away,” she began her post. “It’s a painful reminder that you are no longer here.”

“I caught myself looking in the backseat as I was driving only to see the mirror no longer reflecting your perfect face back at me. When I close a door too loudly I hold my breath and wince knowing a soft cry will shortly follow. It doesn’t come. The silence is deafening,” she continued. “These last 5 months we have been in this race together. We would hand the baton off to each other. You kept me going. It would be the middle of the night and you would smile at me. A surge of energy would fill my body and pure joy would radiate from within me.”

“We were a team, both determined to see it through. It feels unbearable running without you now. I can’t,” she wrote. “And in this moment I feel myself being carried. By your sister.. By God. By complete strangers encouraging me to not give up. It has been an honor and privilege being your mommy. I will love you for eternity.”

She concluded the post “6•23•21 – 12•5•21.”

Zen was Cannon’s youngest child and was born just nine days after he welcomed Zion and Zillion with Abby De La Rosa last summer. He also has two children with Brittany Bell — 1-year-old daughter Powerful Queen and 4-year-old son Golden — and shares Moroccan and Monroe with ex-wife Mariah Carey. Last month, Cannon revealed he’s expecting his eighth child — a boy — with model Bre Tiesi.

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